The Dark
by Ellixer
Summary: What happens when the light is gone and the one you love is lost in the darkness?
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Dark

Rating: M

Author: Ellixer

Pairing: X/G

Disclaimer: Characters and show are owned by Universal and others. The story is mine. I make nothing.

Note: What happens when the light is gone and the one you love is lost in the darkness?

She's here in body; I'm not sure about soul. Is it there, buried somewhere chained down and drowning under the hatred? Her mannerisms are the same though there's an edge to them. Nothing she does is soft anymore; her smile isn't tender and caring.

I'm watching her walk in front of me, her steps are no longer light like they once were. This is Gabrielle, just not quite my Gabrielle. For once I'm lost, I can't find my footing and I have no idea if I'll be able to hold on. She killed him before I could find anything out, and I have no idea if he did a spell, fed her something, got a God on his side or a myriad of other things. There's a way out, there's always a way out.

We make it back to the farm in complete silence. Lila and Sara run out to hug her and she puts off an air of fake sweetness, though she does love them she can't seem to express things the same way she used to. I find myself reverting to a stoic silence that I haven't experienced in years. I leave them to go inside and eat, I can't seem to find my appetite right now. The most I can seem to do is pace the length of the barn, the horses following my movements with worry.

I wonder if she's going to try and leave or if she'll stay without a problem. There's an air of unpredictability now. I can hear her coming, her steps harder yet quieter at the same time. She walks into the barn, hips swinging, lips curled in a smile that doesn't suite her.

'Hiding from me?' Her eyebrow cocks up as her eyes rake over my body. She crosses her arms in front of her chest, leaning against a support pole in the center of the barn.

'I'm thinking.' Something about her is off-putting, but still I can't help but be drawn in by her very presence.

'Anything good?' She give me a lascivious smile.

'Do you plan on going anywhere?' I try to change the subject, to look anywhere but at her eyes.

'Why would I go anywhere?' She moves from the pole, stepping closer and closer to me.

'With everything that's happened….' I swallow hard as she stands inches from me, hands coming to rest on my shoulders. If it wasn't Gabrielle, it wouldn't be this hard for me.

'I couldn't leave you.' Somewhere under that seductive tone is the woman I love and I wish she would come out. She caresses my face sending shivers through my body. I don't know what to do. Would giving in be wrong? I drop to my knees, wrapping my arms around her waist as my face presses into her stomach and my tears begin to fall. Her fingers run through my hair and she's trying to comfort me. She begins to whisper, as if trying to soothe my fears.

'Xena, I know I'm different. I still love you, I could never hurt you. I hate like I used to love, but I still love.' She drops to her knees in front of me, grasping my face in her hands. Her eyes are still dark, uninviting green orbs. There is the slightest hint of her former self showing on her face. Like she's pulling something from way down deep inside her to prove to me she's telling the truth.

'I want the old you back. You have no more light.' My chest hurts as I try to get the words out. She shakes her head sadly.

'I don't know if that's possible.'

'I refuse to believe that.'

'Oh Xena.' She sighs. 'And if I can't change, what will you do?' Her eyes narrow, as if in accusation.

'I adjust.' We stay frozen that way for an eternity before she stands once again.

'I'm tired.' She declares as she walks off, not once looking back. I'm left wondering if I can really adjust, but I wonder if I could adjust to a life without her at all. I think I'm going to need Eve's help with this.

When I finally manage to get myself off the barn floor and back to our room, I find Gabrielle asleep in the other bed. Just as well, it's probably better that way. I take a moment to wash the dirt off my body as I strip down, replacing bandages as I go. I'm all too relieved to slip under the cool sheets of the bed, but I can't bring myself to relax fully, not after last night.

Gabrielle moves in her bed, lifts the covers and is curled against me before I can utter a word. My arms naturally wrap around her body as they have done countless nights before.

'Wasn't sure you were going to come to bed tonight.' She mumbles sleepy words against my chest. Tears sting at my eyes as I fight to hold them back. 'Goodnight.' She whispers.

'Goodnight sweetheart.' I nearly choke on my words. The pain in my chest is growing and I feel like I'm going to die any second. I need to adjust, to adapt. Maybe I have to mourn the loss of one Gabrielle but celebrate the life of another. I'm not giving up, I never give up on her. There has to be a way to get her back. Tomorrow I'll send for Eve, she can help, I know she can.

I'm not sure I can fall asleep. Part of me is afraid that she'll leave again but this time there will be nothing left for me to find. I can't lose her, because then I would lose myself. No one would be able to find me, no one.


	2. Chapter 2

Note: I haven't been feeling good, so today is the first day I actually did some writing. My brain feels fuzzy I can't guarantee satisfaction.

Dark 2

Hues of orange, red and yellow blossom on the horizon as the sun peaks its head up for the first time. I found it hard to sleep, well harder than usual. Usually in her arms I can find some amount of comfort and peace. Things I thought I'd lost so long ago, but she brought them back to me with an innocent flare and I've cherished ever since.

The bench is pushing splinters into my thighs as if trying to punish me. It's not even close to the pain I should endure but I'll take it and let it fester. I'm waiting on Sara; since she needs to go to the market I figured I'd might as well go and find a messenger.

I don't really know if Eve can help but she exemplifies that part of Gabrielle that I once traveled with. Innocent and all about love not fighting. I can feel her eyes on me now, watching me from the doorway. I'm still torn, but I guess I shouldn't be. It's Gabrielle. There's not someone else in her body, this is Gabrielle.

'You trying to avoid me?' Her voice never sounds light anymore. Her boots scrape along the dirt ground as she walks towards me.

'Watching the sunrise.' I say with no sense of conviction. I feel her body come up close to mine, her hand rests on my shoulder. A shiver races through me and I'm not entirely sure if it's a good one or a bad one.

'No, you're trying to avoid me.' She states in a very manner of fact tone.

'I'm trying to adjust. It's a bit different.'

'I'm still me.' She's angry with my uneasiness.

'I know.'

'I don't think you do.' Maybe she's right about that. 'Maybe I should leave.' I'm on my feet, turning to face her in one sweeping movement.

'No, don't.' I grab her upper arms as she looks at me in surprise. 'I just…..I just feel guilty, this is all my fault.' She chuckles in an almost evil way.

'Not everything is your fault; the world does not revolve around you.' She jerks her body out of my grasp. Sara finally comes out, a bright smile on her face.

'Oh, are you coming to the market too?' Gabrielle gives me an odd look then turns to Sara.

'Of course I am.'

She used to flit through markets, flashing her smile trying to get vendors to bring their prices down. Her happiness seems somber and muted now. Her arm is linked with her niece's, and to an outsider it would seem like any other family enjoying the day. The difference I see though is huge. Maybe though I need to stop seeing the differences and just see her.

'Mother!' I turn on my heel, finding Eve moving through the crowd of people toward me. Looking down at the message in my hand, I realize I haven't even sent it out yet. We meet, wrapping our arms around each other; I'm definitely a proud mother.

'What are you doing here?' I smile as I look her over.

'A few weeks ago I got the sense that something was wrong. So I came as soon as I could.'

'How did you know to come here?' My hands clasp her shoulders and I really just want to hug her again. Her smile fades slightly.

'I just knew. So I'm right.' My arms fall back to my sides as I turn to where Gabrielle stands. She looks to be threatening a stall vendor; I can see the fear in his eyes from here. 'What happened?' Eve whispers.

As we trail Gabrielle and her niece through the market, I tell her everything, from the very beginning. There is only so much to be learned from the scrolls that Gabrielle once wrote about our lives. I fill in the gaps, the stories that never got told until I'm caught up to today. She needs to understand the true evolution of the woman I've traveled with, in order to understand what is so wrong with who she is now.

'But she's not evil.' Eve states as she studies the body language and movement of Gabrielle.

'No.' I shake my head. 'No, that's not it. She's angrier; the hatred that she's always overcome is the only emotion that she truly feels.'

'But she loves?'

'Yes.'

'That may be more dangerous.' I'm confused by this. We stop, but I keep an eye towards my partner. I watch as men flirt with her and this new energy she gives off. She plays along for a minute before leaving them crushed and angry at being toyed with.

'Before, what would she have done for you?' Eve asks, trying to break my attention away from Gabrielle and back to her.

'Anything.'

'And now; with nothing to stop that hatred, that anger? What would she do for you?' I hadn't thought it through that way; the idea is sinking like a stone in my stomach. Even in the best of times, there are occasions when she can be irrational. That irrationality can be deadly now; for her and whoever she sets her eyes on.

'Don't push her away.' Eve says, as if reading my thoughts. 'That would only make it worse, and she is the same person. There is no betrayal in loving her.' I amazed sometimes as to how far Eve has come in so little time. The wisdom she expresses is beyond even my years sometimes. The mother in me comes out as I pull her into a hug, kissing the top of her head over and over.

'What would I do without you?' I say as she pulls away. Her face Is sober as she looks at me.

'Gabrielle's the one you couldn't live without.' I start to protest but she stops me with a smile. 'Love comes in different forms.' She gives me a reassuring nod as she moves off towards the person in question.


	3. Chapter 3

The Dark 3

Wind rustles the trees as birds sing within the branches. I close my eyes trying to focus on the noises behind all that. I think I can just make out a small movement, nothing more than a step. It's a deer, following one or two others. I open my eyes and scan the forest, but I cannot yet spot the animal.

My feet move in practiced silence as I stalk through the trees. The scent of the deer is whisked briefly by my nose. Changing direction I finally spot my target, still unaware of my presence. I find the perfect spot to target the animal without being seen. Raising my bow I notch the arrow and steady breathing. I focus then….

The arrow flies effortlessly between trees and bushes hitting its mark with a thunk. The deer jumps, startled by the sudden pain but it doesn't get far as it collapses almost immediately. The hit was perfect, the deer is dead as soon as I reach it. It's a beautiful creature that will feed us for days.

'Do you really think we need this much?' Gabrielle asks as she slices the neck to drain the blood away.

'I want to help your sister stock up.' I tie a bit of rope around the hind legs, throwing the rest of the rope over a sturdy branch. 'She can use the help.' I pull on the rope, slowly inching the deer up off the ground. Gabrielle looks up at me, still crouched down on the ground.

'I'm sure she'll appreciate it.' Normally this is when she would give me a soft warm smile, but not now. I'm finding her harder and harder to read, it leaves me uneasy at times. Her eyes twitch at me, I feel as if she can read my thoughts. I tie the rope off as soon as the deer is hanging up off the ground.

'Xena, are you ever going to touch me?' Her question catches me off guard, I nearly stumble over a tree root.

'What do you mean?' I stutter.

'You haven't touched me.' The pain is evident in her voice.

'I didn't know….I….' I can't seem to find an excuse. I have been consciously avoiding her touch. I'm too afraid. I'm so very afraid of looking into her eyes in a moment of passion, and seeing nothing in them. Darkness. She shakes her head at me as she stands. She seems neither angry nor upset, merely passive. She grabs the knife, slicing into the belly of our catch; watching the guts fall out steaming onto the ground.

I can't sleep, not now not ever. The moonlight shines off her skin giving her an ethereal glow. The blanket has fallen just enough to expose the top of her hip. Tentatively my fingers reach out, just barely touching the curve of her hip. I push the blanket down as my fingers map out a trail down her thigh. I haven't touched her like this in over two days, God's I miss it already.

My fingers trail back up her thigh, goose bumps forming in their wake. I reach her stomach and the smooth curve of each muscle. I barely notice her breathing has changed as she rolls to her back. I'm mesmerized by the softness of the skin under my fingertips. Her stomach rises and falls with each breath, and for some reason my hand begins to tremble.

Her hand falls over mine to stop the shaking, pulling me from my trance. I look into her eyes, but in the darkness I cannot see how beautifully green they are. I can see the lust, the desire she has for me though. Her face is soft, softer than it's been since the change. I can almost see that light in her. What spark do I need to set it aflame again?

'Xena.' She says breathless. I'm caught by the movement of her mouth, the lips which are parted ever so slightly. Words won't come to me, there's no way for me to express any of the emotions racing through me right now. Pulling my hand from hers, I reach up letting my fingers graze across her cheek.

'I'm sorry.'

'For what?' She looks at me confused.

'For treating you like I have.' She sighs, shifting her head away from my hand, looking away.

'The thing is, I know I'm different and part of me wants to go back. But this dark side, this is so overpowering and intoxicating.' She turns back to me, tears glisten in her eyes. 'When something would upset me before, I would be quick to forgive. Now I feel the need to cause physical pain and it excites me. I have no idea how to control it Xena.' She looks at me desperately, for a moment I feel as if I've been stabbed in the heart.

'I will be here to help you control that side, just like you have always done for me.' I wrap my arms around her, pulling her body onto mine. Her head rests on my shoulder, tears falling across my skin. If I can't find a way to bring her back, then I need to learn to accept this new version.

'I love you.' She mumbles, hands beginning to wander across my body. Each caress causes my body to tingle with delight.

'I love you too.' I manage to say as my breath hitches in my throat. Her next movements are fast and rough as she moves to straddle my stomach. Her hands push my shift up above my breasts, gathering at my neck. Her teeth nip and scrape across my skin before she takes a nipple in her mouth, sucking and biting at the same time. The sensation causes my hips to buck up, enthralling her even more as she moves to my other nipple.

Her fingers waste no time in reaching between my legs. She lies down over my body, putting pressure against her hand as she moves her fingers into me roughly. My hand tangles in her hair, pulling her head roughly against me. She continues to suck and nip at my skin as she grunts with each thrust of her hand. Everything is so fast and intense, nothing like the usual soft lingering touches. God's it feels so good. My body is exploding within minutes, and I'm left as nothing but a heap of skin and bones, barely able to breath. She's lying curled against me, panting as her arm curls around my waist.

'Still don't want to touch me?' Her voice is low and seductive. How can I not like this, how can I possibly resist the temptation to touch her anymore?

'I don't think you'll have a problem with that.' I stare up at the wooden rafters above our heads. Will she ever touch me in that soft delicate way ever again? I've always thought I liked it rough more, but now with the thought of never feeling the way she worships my body; God's I just don't know.


	4. Chapter 4

The Dark 4

I'm sitting by a small stream in the shade of a large tree. My eyes are closed, fingers laced under my head as I let the suns warmth wash over me, easing some of the tension I've been building. Eve and Gabrielle have retreated off to the woods to see if they can't figure something out. I'm easing myself into this whole thing, and I refuse to believe that I can't get my old Gabrielle back. Soon the sun lulls me to sleep.

'_Xena?' Her voice is tentative._

'_Hmmm?' I cross my legs, leaning back against the tree. The day has been exceptionally hot so I decided we could make camp a bit early._

'_Can I ask you something?'_

'_Depends on what it is.' I pick up a piece of straw and start picking at my teeth._

'_Do you think we'll ever be more than friends?' I choke when she asks this, throwing the straw to the ground as I try and regain my composure._

'_What?' She turns her body to face me, legs still tucked under her._

'_You know what I mean.' There seems to be a boldness in her that I never thought possible. 'Are we going to keep pretending that we just want to be friends?' I rub my face roughly as I contemplate the answer to that particular question._

'_Gabrielle.' I sigh. 'That is something that should be thought about very carefully.'_

'_Why?' Her eyes narrow._

'_Because the ramifications. The fact that we can never be what you could have had with Perdicus.' I throw my hands up in exhaustion._

'_What do you mean by that?'_

'_I mean, I can never give you a family, and while I can protect you I will also be the reason you're in trouble in the first place. Not to mention, women together is illegal in many areas. Now if we were men it would be different.' She places her hand lightly on my thigh. There's a glimmer of hope in her eyes despite my pessimism._

'_Xena. All I want is to be with you. Whatever that means, I accept the consequences just as I do every day.'_

'_Gabrielle..' I'm stopped by her lips gently brushing against mine. The kiss is soft and searching; a question being answered. After a minute she pulls away, grabbing my hand and bringing it to her chest._

'_This doesn't need to be questioned.' I can feel the beat of her heart beneath my palm. 'This tells you everything you need to know.' I can't help but feel afraid of the danger that could descend upon her. 'I love you.' She whispers. My walls come crashing down, all doubts rush away as our lips meet again._

I wake up to Argo nudging me with her nose. It's wet and slimy, and completely not what I want in my face right now.

'You are impatient.' I rub her side and readjust the saddle. 'Come on girl, we need to get home.'

Eve is sitting on the bench in front of the house when I get back. She's been waiting for me obviously, and her look is pensive.

'Let me take care of Argo.' I jerk my head towards the barn, she simply nods acknowledgment. Her disposition is starting to make me worry. What happened? It takes me half an hour before I'm finished, but Eve is still sitting on the bench when I leave the barn.

'I take it, it didn't go well.' I sit down next to her; the tension in her body is obvious.

'I'm afraid for her.'

'Why?'

'She still has a chance, but…'

'What do you mean she has a chance?'

'Mother, she has to be the one to defeat the darkness within her. There is nothing we can do; no God's can help us.' She looks at me sadly.

'What about your God?' She shakes her head at me.

'That is how I know she is the only solution. But that is all he can do for me.' Running my hand through my hair, I sigh.

'Do you think it's possible?' I already feel defeated.

'Yes of course.' Eve practically yells. 'We cannot give up on her mother.' I can sense there's something else she isn't telling me.

'What else?'

'What?' She attempts a look of confusion, but it's a weak attempt.

'What aren't you tell me?' Her head drops for a second, then she sighs and looks off into the horizon.

'She said some things. She's angry.'

'About what?' I'm almost afraid to ask. 'Me?'

'She wanted things to be different. She wishes that you would have let her be more of a parent to me. She gave up everything for me and you but….she still feels like she's on the outside.' Shit. I've secretly known this but I've never made an attempt to fix it.

'I know.' I feel guilty.

'Mother, why did you ignore her feelings?' Eve is looking at me as if I'm the worst person in the world. I am.

'Because it was easier. I figured I'd take care of it when she brought it up. She just never brought it up.' I shrug.

'You are such an idiot sometimes.' She mumbles.

'Hey, don't talk to your mother like that.' The voice startles us both. Somehow Gabrielle has come up behind us without a sound. There's a slight smile on her face, her eyebrow cocked up.

'Been there long?' I try to grin. She just shrugs, cocking her head to one side. 'I'm sorry.'

'No. Look, I just needed to get it out.' She looks towards Eve. 'I'm sorry Eve, I shouldn't have said all that.' There's a trace of regret in her voice.

'We will get through this.' I stand, pulling her towards me in a hug. 'The three of us will get through this.' Her body relaxes against me as she wraps her arms around my waist.

'Please don't give up on me.' Her voice is nearly inaudible as she whispers against my chest.

'Never.'


End file.
